i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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