I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
