While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
