How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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