K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
