every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
