The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
