I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
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