people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
