Dude my mom stole all your condoms
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
