this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
