oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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