I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Houston, we have a blender
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
