She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
