A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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