After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't turn off my feet"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
