Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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