and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
