looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
