is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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