i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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