Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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