Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize