I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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