Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
