I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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