i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
