You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
