I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
