dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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