if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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