allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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