He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
