I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
