Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
