I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
