Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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