I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
