You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
