I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
