Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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