It's Friday. Sex?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
