you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i need some magic done to my vagina
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
