his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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