you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
