just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize