I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
