what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
