I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
