Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
