I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
