Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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