He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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