Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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