I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
