Yo dont text me then not text me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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