You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
