Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
