Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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