it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
