She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
