This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
