I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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