I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
