dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
