Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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