So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
