Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
