Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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