you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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