i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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