Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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