All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Your cock deserves a montage
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
