My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
