I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
