ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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