no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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