I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
