There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
