i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize