Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
never play flip cup with pint glasses
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
