Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
