Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
