I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
