I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And then my night got REAL pukey
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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