when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
